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It's the second day of Hari Raya Aidilfitri. I'm waiting for Friday prayer time, listening to the malay station play Raya songs. They are a mixture of feel-good songs and jiwang ones. Enough to make any family get in the mood for this Raya occasion. The music is loud enough to drown out everything else.

It was mild wet weather yesterday; good enough to visit a couple of houses. Thank goodness people welcome me into their house; it's Raya right? At least I can get a good feed with some decent company during Raya. People are happy and sociable. If you come to my house, it's as if Raya is not celebrated. After the man of the house abdicated his responsibilities, it all fell apart. My mother just sits at home, staring out the window. I start to feel sorry for her, then I get angry. 

What makes Raya? The kuih? The new clothes? The movies on tv or the radio stations and their playlist? How about the mercun or the duit raya? It used to create an air of festivity for me, but now it just doesn't cut it. I'm actually touched to see families together. It's happiness just to see kids running around and goofing off :)

Everytime I go to my aunty's home for her Open House, I see her entire family there, grandkids and all. It warms my heart to see this, but also overwhelms me at the end of the day to realise what I'm missing out on. I know it's not my fault, but it still hurts. That's when I decide that I've outstayed my welcome and leave. 

My friend Fadzli spoke to me a week before Raya. What I remember is him reminding me to be happY this Raya. A simple observation. Its good advice. Half-full or half-empty, drink the water! An old friend from our days of working together.

Speaking of which, I look around and see the people I know have changed. I have changed too. But we have grown apart. Tragic but trite.  

Only 1-2 kuihs bought this year, but so what... Puasa wasn't easy this year, mixed in with trying to be a better muslim and what-not. Perhaps this is God's way of making sure I know it all takes effort. I liked going for the terawih prayers but I did 8 rakaats only. The mosque radiates with this serene feeling. The doas are different too.

I will do my best to celebrate Raya. I've come to the sudden realisation that I really can't stand anyone to give me crap anymore. I don't even bother to fight. Why is that? Probably because of my own experiences I guess. Negativity in your life should be eradicated. Why should you fill the hours in your day dealing with crap? I'm done with it. Either get even or get over it. Easier to just push it aside. After all, work itself is essentially a file of problems to solve. You don't get paid to live your personal life.

I am grateful to the families who accept me into their hearts and their homes. Those who accept me for who I am. Without them, it would be solitary. This Raya is looking good, InsyaAllah. 

Have a HappY Raya, celebrate with your loved ones, make good memories, take photos, enjoy :)