I went to Aunty Ayshah's grave yesterday. Finally. It was a slow end to the week. Things had wound down a bit, so I had time to actually think. I wasn't in my usual attire for work, and I wasn't in the office all that much 'til after 3pm, after going to the Court's Criminal Registry. I left the office early, and found myself with nothing to do. I drove around for a while, enjoying the soft evening and cool weather. The week-long school holidays gave the air of a quiet evening.
I went to find something to eat, before realising I was near Mahmoodiah. I had to call her sister to find out where her grave was. Aunty Ayshah passed away on 16.8.2006. It had been nearly 5 years since I last saw her; I had met her maybe a few weeks before she passed. She had gone through cancer and beaten it, but there was a relapse. You could tell that the chemo had taken its toll on her. She stayed with her aged mother, who had just passed away 2 weeks ago.
Walking into the place, there were so many headstones. The Royal Mausoleum was freshly painted grey. I finally found her grave, her name was on it. This was the first time in my life I had actually visited someone's grave. I was not scared. I was calm. The mood was somewhat sombre. It was quiet. You could hear the trees rustling. Birds were chirping. But there was a stillness, like Time was plainly not relevant to the souls that rested here. Her mother was buried next to hers, with fresh flowers placed on her mother's (still) freshly-dug grave.
I felt guilty for not coming sooner. It had been 5 years. I had found out only a few weeks after she passed away. Her sister had gone through her phonebook and was calling people up. But after finding out, I didn't visit her grave. I don't know why. Only now. Better late than never, I guess. And knowing Aunty Ayshah, she wouldn't have minded. As long as I come see her now.
As I was remembering times together with her, I also appreciated that I was sad because of such a wonderful soul she is. She always had a kind word for me, and was fun to talk to. A lot of people I know are a generation older than me.
Aunty Ayshah worked with PERKIM as a dakwah officer. She was from a simple and modest family. She walked to work, which took her about an hour. She also had diabetes, which meant that she shouldn't have been on her feet like how she was. But she was such a cheerful lady, happy. She would always remind me of my religious duties as a Muslim. In fact, Aunty Ayshah even got my kid sister to pray. And that was when she was 8 years old!!? I always thought that was amazing.
Going through now, I remember her being a part of my life from the beginning. She even helped me get into the stream I wanted in school, in her own charming way. She was also there when I was called to the Bar. She is family to me. Even as a kid, she was always full of encouragement. I do remember her threatening to send me for "sunat". That was scary...
Time has passed, and I cannot do anything about that. All I can try to do is to never forget her, and how much she means to me. This post is rendered insignificant, compared to the individual she is. This is merely a milestone for me, in remembrance and to pay my respects to her.
I miss you. We will meet again. Rest in peace.
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