Generation Next

Every generation has the potential to be better than the last. We forget that. We just carry the arrogance that we actually are.

When I do make a decision, at least I know I did something. Let the chips fall where they may. Just complaining about something makes me sound like a whiny bitch. Nobody likes a whiny bitch. Plus it's like the analogy of a frog in a pot of water being brought to a slow boil, compared to one being put straight into a boiling pot.

It really helped to bounce ideas off friends, and those who may give their own opinion. At least there's one matter that I'm trying to deal with, taking some action, and getting some sounding boards. I wonder if it will turn out positive. Hmmm.... Oh well, at least I'm doing something. I can only hope it goes well for me.

Everyone else's problems look simpler than your own. It's like looking throug a distorted window. Weird. This should teach us that what we perceive to know, just isn't true.

Green House, Blue House

This weekend, I managed to meet up with some old school friends. It had been 16 years (!!!) since I met one of them. He looked the same, but different. He's married, with children. He's not the only one though. Just the 4 of us sitting down and catching-up, remember schooldays and other stuff. We ended our session in the early evening, all of us parting ways.

Just being there made me a little blue. I haven't had much contact with my old school buddies since I left secondary school. I have to admit, it was good seeing them again, all in one place with a little time to ourselves. After all, once you're married and have commitments, your time is not really your own. It was just the realisation of the loss of time. Everytime I learned something new about someone, a little bit of me felt bad. My god, how could I have gone through all this time without even getting in touch with these guys? Friends are the main reason a lot of us actually survive school, if you ask me. Fostered camaraderie is also a comfort in the years that come.

Schooldays are one of the best and worst times of our lives. Our formative years. We are there for one another. I was fortunate enough to be part of that. These are the people we should all cherish, and appreciate how they affect who we are today. Thinking back of what we went through, and the funny stories shared, I noticed I was laughing to myself driving back.

There are so many life lessons friends can teach you. All you have to do is pay attention. A friend can ground you, tell you what you need to know, let you forget what you don't want to. Yes, people do change. But for once in your life, don't let that change things with your brothers.

Smear tactics

I have just learned of a very serious, scandalous rumour supposedly going around. And what better topic than sex?

It boggles the mind that such allegations, are being perpetuated ad nauseum. But that's the nature of the beast, I guess. Create something so unbelievable, that it must be true, at least some of it. And most people don't stop for a moment to digest what is being told, to really process the absurdness of such allegations.

I have an idea of who the culprit is. From what I can surmise, this person has something intangible to gain from this; upping his reputation as the "saviour of women". I have to say I was really shocked of what I heard it was about. But then again, some people have no scruples. That's probably why there is always that little percentile in any group that is dishonest.

[Trying to find out who this person is; one is faced with the argument "If it isn't true, why do you want to know?" However, that misses the point of confronting that person, and telling him to stop the shit he is spewing about others)

So while he badmouths another who doesn't even know him as an acquaintance, this little bitch is "reaping the benefits", so to speak. After all, once he badmouths someone else, there is little competition for what he has in mind.

But this person lost sight of one thing; only he was interested in what he was spreading, and to his intended targets. The other individual had no such interest in all this at all.

I have a funny feeling this person has had enough, hearing good things and the little praise (perhaps every once in a while) of the other, that he has actively sought out to try to badmouth him. Others have done much more, for less.

So then today, I read this article, and it all makes perfect sense.

http://www.malaysia-today.net/mtcolumns/no-holds-barred/43700-the-four-letter-word-called-sex

This little bitch will have to pay the piper, sooner or later. We'll just have to see how gullible others are.

Common bonds

So today was the celebration of Ramadhan 1432. The day started off warm, but went into a cold slow drizzle lasting 'til nightfall.

I managed to attend Aidilfitri prayers and had a heavy breakfast later in my friend's house. His mum always has something nice to eat during Hari Raya. Then I rushed home after a while and dozed off 'til lunchtime. Little did I know Nazrul's relative passed away today. It must have been a tough day for him and his family.

This year, the festive mood was not with me. I don't know why. A lot of the preparation was rushed. It wasn't easy fasting this year either. But going to the Masjid Besar was nice, with the prayers being led by an imam with his melodious voice, the grand architecture, and the entire mosque illuminated with light at night; it was truly inspiring. I had a sense of peace. Maybe I need to appreciate the little things better.

I went through the routine of the few visits to houses by myself, and trying to enjoy the day. But by the end of it, in the evening, I was glad it was over.

There was a point in time that I felt I had overstayed my welcome in the 2nd house, so I slipped away after many hours of just hanging about. The whole house was busy with 'family-time', and I felt really out of place. I didn't feel like dragging out the goodbyes with so many people there. I hate goodbyes.

People are lucky to have a functioning family. It really counts for something. Everyone has to participate, otherwise apathy sets in. And when people don't care, others get left behind.

Oscillations

Time is relative. I wonder if I actually make that tiny bit of difference everyday at work, because I want it to mean something more that just a file. Personal/Job satisfaction. Then I catch myself thinking of work after-hours. A really dirty habit, one that I have to constantly be on my guard for. But then again, it does help when brainstorming with someone else.

Things are happening in this country. The undercurrent is rising. What that will bring will reveal itself in the near future.

I just realised that most people will try to take advantage of you if they can. I find that quite disgusting, especially when it's someone higher up in the food-chain. After all, aren't those types of people, now in a position to help people like me?? Instead they work their insidious ways to squeeze more out of people. For free. No wonder the rich stay rich. They have gotten so used to lining their own pockets that it actually (physically) hurts to have to pay when asked to. But I believe that there will be an equitable conclusion. There always is.

I may have to re-assess the way work is done. New outlines may have to drawn up. This all has to be streamlined and enable my workload to flow smoother. I need to delegate more. Don't we all. No man is an island, indeed.

Many of us go through the days without actually realising what is important to us. What makes us want to wake and and start the day. And act on this. Perhaps all we can do most times is to live in the moment. Food for thought.

It's nice and peaceful tonight. It was a beautiful evening, with a glorious swirl of colours lighting up the evening sky. It reminded me of my school days when I used to while away the evenings, waiting for my TV shows to start. The crickets are a welcome background ambient. It reminds me that it's quiet, in a weird sort of way. Yesterday was nice too. Spending it with friends, and just getting away. Wonderful Saturday, thanks to my friends.

Secondary school was when I started to learn to be independent. It really sucked. And I felt alone. Part and parcel of such 'liberty'. Now it's like a shadow; always there but noticeable only when I really focus.

The fasting month is less than 2 weeks away. That will mean a change of routine for me. Just like the rest of us, it means going back that bit earlier, foraging for buka and sahur meals, among others.

What shall I do tonight...

Far Away From Here, So Close To Me

I went to Aunty Ayshah's grave yesterday. Finally. It was a slow end to the week. Things had wound down a bit, so I had time to actually think. I wasn't in my usual attire for work, and I wasn't in the office all that much 'til after 3pm, after going to the Court's Criminal Registry. I left the office early, and found myself with nothing to do. I drove around for a while, enjoying the soft evening and cool weather. The week-long school holidays gave the air of a quiet evening.

I went to find something to eat, before realising I was near Mahmoodiah. I had to call her sister to find out where her grave was. Aunty Ayshah passed away on 16.8.2006. It had been nearly 5 years since I last saw her; I had met her maybe a few weeks before she passed. She had gone through cancer and beaten it, but there was a relapse. You could tell that the chemo had taken its toll on her. She stayed with her aged mother, who had just passed away 2 weeks ago.

Walking into the place, there were so many headstones. The Royal Mausoleum was freshly painted grey. I finally found her grave, her name was on it. This was the first time in my life I had actually visited someone's grave. I was not scared. I was calm. The mood was somewhat sombre. It was quiet. You could hear the trees rustling. Birds were chirping. But there was a stillness, like Time was plainly not relevant to the souls that rested here. Her mother was buried next to hers, with fresh flowers placed on her mother's (still) freshly-dug grave.

I felt guilty for not coming sooner. It had been 5 years. I had found out only a few weeks after she passed away. Her sister had gone through her phonebook and was calling people up. But after finding out, I didn't visit her grave. I don't know why. Only now. Better late than never, I guess. And knowing Aunty Ayshah, she wouldn't have minded. As long as I come see her now.

As I was remembering times together with her, I also appreciated that I was sad because of such a wonderful soul she is. She always had a kind word for me, and was fun to talk to. A lot of people I know are a generation older than me.

Aunty Ayshah worked with PERKIM as a dakwah officer. She was from a simple and modest family. She walked to work, which took her about an hour. She also had diabetes, which meant that she shouldn't have been on her feet like how she was. But she was such a cheerful lady, happy. She would always remind me of my religious duties as a Muslim. In fact, Aunty Ayshah even got my kid sister to pray. And that was when she was 8 years old!!? I always thought that was amazing.

Going through now, I remember her being a part of my life from the beginning. She even helped me get into the stream I wanted in school, in her own charming way. She was also there when I was called to the Bar. She is family to me. Even as a kid, she was always full of encouragement. I do remember her threatening to send me for "sunat". That was scary...

Time has passed, and I cannot do anything about that. All I can try to do is to never forget her, and how much she means to me. This post is rendered insignificant, compared to the individual she is. This is merely a milestone for me, in remembrance and to pay my respects to her.

I miss you. We will meet again. Rest in peace.

I want one

"Early birthday gift!" Shameless! hehehe

What to get someone for their birthday; what they want or what they need? Why not something that can be both? Though money can be a factor. But that's why you need to know who your friends really are, innit! heh

The satisfaction you get for getting someone a thoughtful gift is most gratifying. And if it doesn't cost a bomb, all the better. But since you're all grown-up now and earning a salary, it shouldn't be (too) cheap.

I got 2 people good quality sling-bags last year. Why? Because theirs had seen better days. Now that was gratifying. Just don't expect eternal gratefulness now. It's all about your intention to make the other person happy.