Twirl: swirls and curls of dairy milk chocolate

Whoa...

It's been more than a year... how time flies. Getting caught up in this ratrace of work and endless KPI crap. Work is getting so frantic and everything seems to be urgent now. I can't seem to enjoy my weekends anymore either, but I'm acclimatising. I guess it's like the saying goes: "Welcome to the suck." The trick is to enjoy the situation you are in. Regardless of the crap that's being flung at you. Takes a constant effort. 

The new gimmick that entertains now is Comixology. Buy comics online and cloud it. It's cheaper and obviously saves cupboard space. I've bought a few comic series which were too expensive to buy when they first came out in the 90s. It's a wonder that they still sell them. Then again, I see that Marvel is only now bringing the 90s storylines to the cinema. It's our time now. Fuck yeah. 

Television is getting mediocre nowadays. It's like these people don't even try anymore. I remember a time when you would look forward to the Friday/Saturday/Sunday movies. Radio too. The song mixes now are just tasteless. Where's the good R&B now? Where did it go? I buy more iTunes music. Jeeez am I turning into a consumer-junkie? 

Selfies. Taking pictures of your food with filters. Ostentious. Social media is being abused. This is not what technology should be about. It should make life easier for us. Even this instant text-messaging apps now; you text whenever you want. Even during conversations with real people? C'mon...

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." 

                                                     -Mahatma Ghandi.

Word. 

1434

It's the second day of Hari Raya Aidilfitri. I'm waiting for Friday prayer time, listening to the malay station play Raya songs. They are a mixture of feel-good songs and jiwang ones. Enough to make any family get in the mood for this Raya occasion. The music is loud enough to drown out everything else.

It was mild wet weather yesterday; good enough to visit a couple of houses. Thank goodness people welcome me into their house; it's Raya right? At least I can get a good feed with some decent company during Raya. People are happy and sociable. If you come to my house, it's as if Raya is not celebrated. After the man of the house abdicated his responsibilities, it all fell apart. My mother just sits at home, staring out the window. I start to feel sorry for her, then I get angry. 

What makes Raya? The kuih? The new clothes? The movies on tv or the radio stations and their playlist? How about the mercun or the duit raya? It used to create an air of festivity for me, but now it just doesn't cut it. I'm actually touched to see families together. It's happiness just to see kids running around and goofing off :)

Everytime I go to my aunty's home for her Open House, I see her entire family there, grandkids and all. It warms my heart to see this, but also overwhelms me at the end of the day to realise what I'm missing out on. I know it's not my fault, but it still hurts. That's when I decide that I've outstayed my welcome and leave. 

My friend Fadzli spoke to me a week before Raya. What I remember is him reminding me to be happY this Raya. A simple observation. Its good advice. Half-full or half-empty, drink the water! An old friend from our days of working together.

Speaking of which, I look around and see the people I know have changed. I have changed too. But we have grown apart. Tragic but trite.  

Only 1-2 kuihs bought this year, but so what... Puasa wasn't easy this year, mixed in with trying to be a better muslim and what-not. Perhaps this is God's way of making sure I know it all takes effort. I liked going for the terawih prayers but I did 8 rakaats only. The mosque radiates with this serene feeling. The doas are different too.

I will do my best to celebrate Raya. I've come to the sudden realisation that I really can't stand anyone to give me crap anymore. I don't even bother to fight. Why is that? Probably because of my own experiences I guess. Negativity in your life should be eradicated. Why should you fill the hours in your day dealing with crap? I'm done with it. Either get even or get over it. Easier to just push it aside. After all, work itself is essentially a file of problems to solve. You don't get paid to live your personal life.

I am grateful to the families who accept me into their hearts and their homes. Those who accept me for who I am. Without them, it would be solitary. This Raya is looking good, InsyaAllah. 

Have a HappY Raya, celebrate with your loved ones, make good memories, take photos, enjoy :)

Containment

The rush-hour system that has been implemented of late has put immense pressure on lawyers all over the country. It seems that the top-management level of the Judiciary is only concerned with 1 thing: a court disposing of cases and the monthly statistics it can present. 

I spoke to someone (who works in the corporate world) about this and was told this is how things are done, immediately with no proper consutation. Fast, fast, fast!!! Sadly in the legal arena, speed is not the solution for a backlog; it merely shortens the timeline of an individual's case. It doesn't improve the client's case, or the quality of work spent on it. Sadly this fact of life hasn't been properly made known to the public yet. Yes, it affects you and your legal rights.  

It is indeed distressing to see such a thing happening. Legal practitioners who want to draft their pleadings in a proper manner, conduct legal research to an acceptable level, go through the case before trial and prepare witness statements and the evidence, and/or even prepare for cross-examination and draft a good submission are going to be for a rude awakening. 

(Not to mention the absurd time-limits being given, which now make it quite hard for some legal practitioners to collect their legal fees in full before trial. Legal firms have fiscal responsibilities to their staff too, who in turn have families to feed and bank loans to pay. But that's not anyone's problem, right?)

Quite a number of judicial officers have also lamented on this fact, where it is now quantity, and not quality cases before them. So many lawyers are also left feeling helpless, and dissatisfied with their performance in the office as well as in court, as they feel the duty to their client has been glazed over with the over-riding duty of having a case disposed of, in less than 9 months. 

For your information, go to the nearest MLJ and flip through the 1970s volumes. Even then, a backlog was present. It is not part of the problem: the matter of a backlog is inherent in any functioning legal system. Would the Transport Ministry instruct people to drive faster when there are traffic jams? After all, the vehicles on the road are the problem, innit? So get them off the roads for Pete's sake!!! 

Welcome to 'Nam. Where the only thing you have to do is survive. 

Before I go on and on about this, it would me also important to read an article on this a link I accidentally stumbled across. It really articulates what the majority of us think and feel:

http://sociopolitics-blog-malaysia.blogspot.com/2011/02/speedy-gone-justice.html

It is unfortunate (and indeed shameful) that the Bar Council of Malaysia is not not doing more to alleviate this situation. Where is the leadership? 

What we need now is a proper assessment on the impact of the legal standard in Malaysia. Is legal work being prepared properly? How are lawyers performing in court? What are the quality of Judgments nowadays? And most importantly, what are the clients feelings on their experience in court?

It does not bode well for the future of the Malaysian legal system or its stakeholders. Who shall save us?

Next time

When you feel that someone has does wrong by you, what do you do?  Emotions almost always tend to get the better of us. How many times have we flown off the handle because we were enraged or just so infuriated that we damn the consequences? It's amazing how your mind just switches off when you're angry. Maybe that's why we are told that when we are about to go ballistic, don't mail the letter. Keep it for a few days, then review. Heh...

Is it really better to forgive and move on, or just write that person off as yet another idiot we have to move past? It really depends, I guess. Sometimes I look back at some of the not-so-nice things that I have experienced with others. Perhaps the thing to keep foremost in my mind is this: Is it worth it? 

This month of Ramadhan may be the reason for this sudden abrupt pondering. Memories of things oh-not-so-long-ago, of better times with persons I used to be familiar with, etc. Maybe this is an opportunity to try something different. 

It really is unrealistic and unreasonable for me to expect that people shouldn't make such mistakes. Because that's what people do. And I can't reconcile with this fact. Maybe that's what makes it even more difficult; the need for some logic. I should just drop the logic then. Round and round the mulberry bush we go... Maybe it's the constant struggle of not expecting much of people. Then again, wouldn't this make you feel superior to others?

This is crazy. 

Walking Points

Whatever it is you do, I truly believe it's persistence that matters in a big way. And sometimes the moral courage to follow-through (but that's a whole different kettle of fish). 

I'm not delivering up a novel idea; its been made sayings of and stuff, but it is indeed a Truth. 

I was reading an anecdote about it just the other day. Don't give up. Keep calm and carry on (another saying from another age...)

You're lucky if you can get the support from others, by the way. Appreciate such people. They are the ones that give you the extra push and inspiration along the way. I find that they give you the motivation you need sometimes. It does help. And I thank them for it. 

Just make sure you're doing something worthwhile. 

Going someplace

I just realised this post should have been put up in October 2011. 10.10.2011 to be exact. Well it's up now.

I received a phone call last year, in October. I was getting ready for work. Puan Sri Zaimah had passed away. The wife of the late Federal Court Judge, Tan Sri Syed Othman, she passed away peacefully in her sleep sometime in the early morning. She was in her 90s. I knew her as 'Tok'. She took me in as family. She knew me since I was a kid. 

She was always good to me. Staying in her house with her maids, she was probably a little lonely. She kept budgies, and mynah birds. And there was a koi pond in the garden. All her children, grown up and in their 50s and 60s, had their own lives to live (one had recently passed away a few years ago after routine surgery), and were mostly in KL. They did their best to come stay with her from time to time. They were filial, always remembering her although in KL.

I could always talk to her. She was a straight-shooter. She cared about me, always asking me about my life, work, etc. She may have been old, but she still had all her mental faculties about her. She was old-school, and I have immense respect for that generation. In fact, I can connect more with them, then some others nearer to my age. Now I realise what this Generation Gap is all about. But in a different way.

As always, we also wish we had more time with them before they pass on. Death is a part of life, but it's those who remain who share the burden of the loss. She was a part of my life. 

I used to pop in from time to time, mostly after she would call me to come over. I remember once we went out to buy bird-seed. And sometimes I would take her to the bank. And we had the buffet-lunch at a hotel once.

I was always invited for Hari Raya. It was the one place I knew I was welcome, and felt so.

Who we are, is also affected by who we interact with. She brought a ray of hope into my life. I will never forget her. 

Al-fatihah.

This Little Light of Mine

Losing control. The very thought brings out the worst in us. 

Whether in your personal life or work, its never easy to come to terms with. It plagues your mind and fogs your thoughts until it envelopes the host. 

The fear of the uncertainty and helplessness. Damn that's alot of S's. heh... Sometimes, all you can do is to just say fuck it, and move forward. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Having a plan would be re-assuring, although it's not always that simple, and planning for contingencies is exhausting as well. 

Or turn your mind to happier things. 

There's this old chinese lady near my office. She looks in her 70's perhaps. She has short white hair, and wears brown-rimmed spectacles. A little over 1.5m tall, she wears a dress. And her cute little shoes. Though her dress has faded oh-so long ago, you can see she still wears it comfortably. It reaches until her shins. 

She worked at a photocopy place but now I don't see her there. Another person has taken over. But I did see her once going up the shophouse staircase, umbrella in one hand and a small plastic bag in the other. 

I'm curious as to what her story is. How she got to where she is now. Whether she's ok. I spoke to her once when I needed something copied years ago. She had this very dainty voice, and she sounded how she looked; nice and quaint. I don't mean to be patronising. She really does embody how a nice old aunty is. I'm sure we've all met one. 

I wonder how she looks after herself, whether she has anyone to look out for her, and whether she is financially secure. She appears to be alone, living in that shophouse's 1st floor, but I may be wrong. I hope I'm mistaken.